Confessions of BJJ Women

You thought only men farted or got aroused on the mat? Think again. Here is our first installment of BJJ confessions from myself, Liz, and a few other anonymous BJJ ladies!

• I thought jiujitsu sounded stupid the first time I heard of it, years before I started training. How wrong I was.

• During intense competition training one day, I was spotting between periods and bled through my gi pants. My friend tried to say something, but I was so worked up that I ignored her and completed the class with a big red stain on my pants. Later she said, "I tried to tell you!"

• I avoid some techniques because I have small panic attacks when my legs get trapped. I can't even sleep with the sheets tucked in. I don't know why, but my body freaks out and it almost hurts.

• Sometimes I get slightly aroused against my will doing certain moves, like when people grab between my legs in side control. I can’t help it, and it makes me glad that being female means no one can tell.

• One time I was rolling with my coach when I felt a fart coming on. I stopped moving and clenched my butt cheeks. My coach said, “Come on, don’t give up now! You have to keep moving, dig deep!” I bit my lip and kept going, praying that I wouldn’t fart on him.

• I did fart on my coach, and it was loud enough to echo off the walls. I tried to cover it up with a cough, but he was smirking.

They do, and it will happen in their triangle. Enjoy.

• I only know how to tie my belt the "super knot" way and not the traditional way.

• I was practicing the fan sweep and really trying to put the hip thrust motion into it as hard as I could. My partner was a newbie and apparently hadn’t figured out he should wear spandex under his gi pants. I could feel his boner.

• Teammates have commented on my smooth legs (in a non-creepy way), but I rarely ever shave above my knees thanks to gi pants.

• I hold grudges when men bully and muscle me around on the mat, and I make them pay when I finally get the upper hand whether it's in the same roll or two weeks later.

• I was going for the belt when I grabbed my partner’s balls--a whole handful of them. He played it cool, but I was mortified.

Ball control, 10 out of 10.

• During a no-gi match for gold, my shirt rolled up my stomach, and I got self-conscious with everyone watching. She passed my guard because I stopped to pull my shirt down.

• Jiujitsu is a spiritual experience for me. The gym is my sanctuary.

• I convinced my coaches I didn't want to work with one guy because he was too spazzy. In actuality, I didn't want to work with him because he always grabbed my ass--in rolls, in drills, and even when we lined up to say goodbye. (Disclaimer: I should have told my coaches. Please tell someone if this happens to you.)

• I like being in back control because it feels like cuddling.

• I once unintentionally caressed my coach's balls with my foot while trying to learn De La Riva guard. I kept my foot there a few awkward seconds too long trying to figure out why his thigh was so soft.

Check out this Instagram page for more hilarious confessions! 

Have a confession of your own and want to include it in our next installment anonymously? Send it to us at liz.meg223@gmail.com!

Maintaining the Work/Life/Train Equilibrium

By Liz

I’m too busy to train. How can I balance obligations to my family and my crazy work schedule with jiujitsu training?

I competed last month, and in the five days leading up to the competition, I took some time off from the gym to rest up. I thought to myself, “Hooray! Now I’ll have more time to devote to work and school.” Indeed, I did spend more time in the office than I normally do, but I can say with confidence that I didn’t actually get more work done. I spent a lot of time staring at my computer screen doing nothing, playing on my phone, or otherwise distracting myself with Facebook, Reddit, and Netflix. My brain just couldn’t sustain the additional workload I expected from it, especially in the absence of physical activity.

It’s not the first time this has happened. There was a period of time a couple years ago when I wasn’t able to train. Sometimes it takes time off from the gym to realize how much you appreciate its presence in your life.

I spent more time in the office, but wasn’t any more productive than when I’m training regularly. Normally when I know I have training in the evening, I work efficiently and concentrate on the task at hand so that I can get everything done. But when I don’t have my training time as a deadline, I procrastinate and easily get distracted when I’m trying to do work. As a result I end up staying at the office late, but don’t end up getting much done. I leave the office feeling burned out and unproductive.

I try to maintain a satisfying work/play balance, but we all know it’s easier said than done. How can I follow my dreams of being a successful career woman and writing a book, while still maintaining connections with my family and friends? When is it time for me to buckle down and work hard, and when is it time to take the day off and spend time with the people I love?

I often struggle with how and when to make jiujitsu a priority in my life. Many of the women (and men) who have families especially struggle with when to train and when to spend time with and take care of their kids. For me, sometimes it feels like jiujitsu should take a lower priority over work and friends. After all, it’s really just a hobby, while my career and family is my future and my life.

However, since I began training over four years ago, I’ve learned from experience that training is essential for my mental health. Training is a type of self-compassion (it’s my ME time) that I cannot live without because my training time is key to keeping myself from burning out. In other words, not training would be the most selfish thing I could do. If I didn’t have the “me time” that training allows, I wouldn’t have the energy to be present for my family and friends. Quitting training would be the most detrimental thing I could do for my career. If I didn’t have the stress outlet that training allows, I wouldn’t have the mental or physical energy to devote to work and school.

When you’re super busy, that’s when training is most important to get rid of the stress and keep yourself from burning out mentally. Whether you’re studying for school, working in an office, or taking care of kids at home, we all need mat time for some self-care, stress relief, and time away from the house. Not only is physical activity key for getting a good dose of endorphins, but training allows you to see friendly faces at the gym and devote time to yourself and something you love to do for pure fun, something all of us need and most of us simply don’t get enough of.

I don’t think about the train/life balance as an opposed dichotomy. I see my training and my life as fundamentally intertwined: training is my life and my life is training. Training is fundamental to my life not just for the physical and mental benefits, but also for the friendships and community that I’ve been able to build as a result.

As I reflect on 2015, I’m so grateful for the presence of jiujitsu in my life. BJJ changed my life in a big way. It gave me confidence to protect and stand up for myself, helped me to believe in my value and worth, and gave me a sense of purpose and meaning. Last spring when I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw a status update from a training partner and friend, Christal Christian. She wrote the following message, “from the bottom of my heart,” she told me later. She wrote beautifully about how I feel regarding the importance of jiujitsu in my life.

A few weeks ago, I was drilling with another female BJJ enthusiast. After we were done drilling, we sat on the mat and talked for over an hour (it was mid-day and the gym was virtually empty). We talked about the ups and downs of life and our insecurities, and she gave me advice on how to deal with emotional hardships, as well as being a woman in a male-dominated environment: keep a journal, don’t stop writing, believe in your fundamental value as a human being, and don’t be ashamed to take up space and stand up for yourself.

After drilling and talking with her, I realized that training isn’t just about going through the motions of a move or roll. It’s about community. It’s about having the time to talk and laugh with friends. Even though that hour I spent talking with her was one hour I didn’t spend at the office, it was 100% worth it. I realized then that the time I’ve spent at the gym whether training or talking with friends has been worth it, whether for keeping me sane, keeping me devoted to work and family, or keeping me mentally and physically healthy. And I’m not saying to never take time off. Rest and recovery is just as important as your time in the gym and taking breaks are key for keeping jiujitsu a sustainable life practice.

Keeping the work/life/train balance in equilibrium is key. Work and life are not opposed dichotomies. It’s not a zero-sum game where time training necessarily means time subtracted from your life. Nobody wants the work/life/train spheres to be fighting in a hierarchical ranking of one over the other. Rather, if you can bring them into an intertwined equilibrium, you can develop community and take care of your health at the same time. Who knows? Someday you might even build a career out of doing jiujitsu, and get your family on the mats, too.

Liz started jiujitsu in 2011, got her blue belt in 2013, and has competed in 11 competitions. She’s learned through training that sometimes the bravest thing you can do is just show up.

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When BJJ Keeps You Up At Night

By Meg

While many jiujitsu practitioners find training helps them sleep, it has the complete opposite effect for others. Evening classes leave some people with their minds still running through techniques and their muscles still tense when they lie down to sleep. Everyone knows how to count sheep and heat up milk, but what do you do when those methods fail?

I've struggled with sleep for four years. BJJ is not the only culprit of my chronic insomnia, but I've collected a few tried-and-true methods of my own. If you struggle with sleep, BJJ-related or not, see if these sleep techniques work for you!

Desperate times call for something something...

Write It Down

Instead of drifting off, your brain starts working overtime. You picture and analyze each technique you learned that night. You obsess over things you did right and wrong during rolling. Before you know it, you've been lying awake for two hours.

Before it gets this far, switch the light back on and scribble down the techniques. Even better, if it's a common issue, take a few minutes to write these down before bed and avoid the problem altogether. Not only will you sleep better, but writing the information down helps you remember it later.

Soothe Your Muscles

Aches and pains always follow me home after training, whether it was a light session or not. If sore muscles are disrupting your sleep, take a warm bath or shower after training. This should be easy as you should be showering after BJJ anyway. If you take a bath, drop some Epsom salts in for an extra soothing soak. I also keep ibuprofen on my nightstand for neck pain and headaches.

4-7-8 Breathing

During a sleepless phase, my husband showed me a sleep aid method he had found online. Basically, this method causes your heart rate to slow down and promotes a better physical state for sleep to set in. Here's how it works:

1. Inhale through your nose for a count of four.
2. Hold this breath for a count of seven.
3. Exhale through your mouth for a count of eight.

Read more about the 4-7-8 method here. Some claim this method can put you to sleep in 60 seconds, which I think is completely bogus. However, it is certainly psychologically and physiologically calming.

Sleep With Me Podcast 

The guy on this podcast has struggled with insomnia himself, and he tells endearing, sometimes chuckle-worthy, but boring-enough-to-fall-asleep bedtime stories for about one hour. You can get the podcast on Stitcher or iTunes for free. Check out his website here.

ASMR, My Holy Grail of Sleep Aids

ASMR, or autonomous sensory meridian response, is described by Wikipedia as "a perceptual phenomenon characterized as a distinct, pleasurable tingling sensation in the head, scalp, back, or peripheral regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, or cognitive stimuli." Many fans of ASMR describe it as a "massage for the brain" and compare it to meditation for its tendency to shut down stress and anxiety. ASMR includes a huge variety of triggers, like the sounds of whispering, crinkling plastic, or a brush gliding through hair, because everyone responds differently to different stimuli.

Give ASMR a shot. At first the videos seemed weird to me. I wondered if it was some fetish I hadn't heard of and thought it was silly. Fifteen minutes later, I was in one of the deepest, best sleeps I'd had in a long time.

Here is my favorite ASMR creator, Ally at ASMRrequests. Her YouTube channel features everything from hair salon roleplays to purely binaural sound videos.

So next time you try to catch some Z's after an awesome jiujitsu class and can't, I hope you try these methods and have some success. If you harbor some sleep secrets of your own, comment below and share your tips!

Good night, sleep tight, and dream of armbars, everyone!


Meg started jiujitsu in 2012, got her blue belt in 2013, and has competed in five competitions.

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Email us at liz.meg223@gmail.com with your questions, and we will post our answers in the next blog post!