Confessions of BJJ Women

You thought only men farted or got aroused on the mat? Think again. Here is our first installment of BJJ confessions from myself, Liz, and a few other anonymous BJJ ladies!

• I thought jiujitsu sounded stupid the first time I heard of it, years before I started training. How wrong I was.

• During intense competition training one day, I was spotting between periods and bled through my gi pants. My friend tried to say something, but I was so worked up that I ignored her and completed the class with a big red stain on my pants. Later she said, "I tried to tell you!"

• I avoid some techniques because I have small panic attacks when my legs get trapped. I can't even sleep with the sheets tucked in. I don't know why, but my body freaks out and it almost hurts.

• Sometimes I get slightly aroused against my will doing certain moves, like when people grab between my legs in side control. I can’t help it, and it makes me glad that being female means no one can tell.

• One time I was rolling with my coach when I felt a fart coming on. I stopped moving and clenched my butt cheeks. My coach said, “Come on, don’t give up now! You have to keep moving, dig deep!” I bit my lip and kept going, praying that I wouldn’t fart on him.

• I did fart on my coach, and it was loud enough to echo off the walls. I tried to cover it up with a cough, but he was smirking.

They do, and it will happen in their triangle. Enjoy.

• I only know how to tie my belt the "super knot" way and not the traditional way.

• I was practicing the fan sweep and really trying to put the hip thrust motion into it as hard as I could. My partner was a newbie and apparently hadn’t figured out he should wear spandex under his gi pants. I could feel his boner.

• Teammates have commented on my smooth legs (in a non-creepy way), but I rarely ever shave above my knees thanks to gi pants.

• I hold grudges when men bully and muscle me around on the mat, and I make them pay when I finally get the upper hand whether it's in the same roll or two weeks later.

• I was going for the belt when I grabbed my partner’s balls--a whole handful of them. He played it cool, but I was mortified.

Ball control, 10 out of 10.

• During a no-gi match for gold, my shirt rolled up my stomach, and I got self-conscious with everyone watching. She passed my guard because I stopped to pull my shirt down.

• Jiujitsu is a spiritual experience for me. The gym is my sanctuary.

• I convinced my coaches I didn't want to work with one guy because he was too spazzy. In actuality, I didn't want to work with him because he always grabbed my ass--in rolls, in drills, and even when we lined up to say goodbye. (Disclaimer: I should have told my coaches. Please tell someone if this happens to you.)

• I like being in back control because it feels like cuddling.

• I once unintentionally caressed my coach's balls with my foot while trying to learn De La Riva guard. I kept my foot there a few awkward seconds too long trying to figure out why his thigh was so soft.

Check out this Instagram page for more hilarious confessions! 

Have a confession of your own and want to include it in our next installment anonymously? Send it to us at liz.meg223@gmail.com!

An Abridged Beginner's Guide to BJJ for Women

By Meg

In BJJ, women face a slew of unique issues, and as beginners in this sport, your male coach is probably not your best source. Sure, he's got 50 ways to do an armbar, but does he know how to strap boobs down so as not to suffocate during inverted guard? Just for fun, try asking him.

In this post, we cover the bare bones of several issues and questions female beginners usually encounter, but might be afraid to ask. All topics have been or will be covered in more detail on our blog, but in the meantime, consult this abridged version!

What You Should Wear

A T-shirt and gym shorts are always acceptable. If you attend a gi class, you may be provided with the appropriate uniform. In a no-gi class, remember to wear long shorts or leggings. Think twice about low-cut shirts or just a sports bra. In BJJ, clothing gets yanked around constantly, and your boob popping out on some red-faced guy is a situation that should be avoided. Once you get started, you might decide to buy a rash guard, which is a tight spandex shirt that keep everything tucked in tight and comfortable. Larger-chested ladies might want to consider doubling up on sports bras. Remove any jewelry and makeup before class.

This lady has a nice double-braid combo going on to control her hair.

Hair Issues, Fixes, and Puns

Possibly one of the most annoying things about rolling is your hair. Stay on top and it's all dandy, but the minute you get caught, the situation gets…hairy. Ever see a woman go into a guillotine with a perfect ponytail and escape with an atomic explosion on her head? It looks something like those 80's trolls.

You're thinking, I'll just give up and roll with my hair free. No. It will fall into your mouth and smother you. It will slap people across the face. It will get stuck under your partner's knee, and you'll be left staring at chunks of hair on the mat in horror.

Here are some fixes women (and long-haired men) have developed, so you can roll without hair-rowing troubles.

• Cut it off: The most obvious but perhaps the scariest option. However, gone are days when you retie your hair during and after every roll. Check out some other BJJ gals liberated by short hair here.
• Bind it in braids: If you have long, thick hair, this option may work best for you. Be sure to keep them very tight, but using bobby pins is a no-no. Your partner won't appreciate getting stabbed by your hair accessories. (Et tu, Brute?)
• Place it strategically: In BJJ, you spend a lot of time with your head scraping across the ground. Whether you prefer a braid or Ronda Rousey buns, keep your hair high or low on your head.

Training on Your Period

With the flexible pads, sports tampons, and even this cup that we have today, training on your period is a non-issue. Exercise actually alleviates cramps and bloating, but keep in mind your body might be weaker during menstruation and cut yourself some slack if you can't perform as well as usual. If you typically experience a heavy flow, double up on products (e.g., tampon + pad) and wear dark pants, just in case.

Unexpected Things You Should Expect

Expect to fart on someone, and be farted on, and then laugh about it or start coughing as a cover-up. You're probably not fooling anyone though. Expect to get so drenched in sweat that you're not sure how much is yours and how much is your partner's. Expect that fateful, slow-motion moment when a drop of sweat rolls off your partner's nose and lands in your eye.

Train long enough and you will almost certainly encounter these gross situations. However, expect to feel stronger, braver, and more confident. Expect to feel badass.

How to Act

If you are taking time to read this post, I assume you are serious about BJJ, or at least you are not solely there to cause trouble. Women have made small strides in the BJJ world to be recognized for their hard work, dedication, and talent. When another woman struts across the mat in tiny clothing and smoky-eyed makeup then spends the whole class giggling and making vulgar suggestions about mount, it unfairly reflects on us all.

All personalities are welcome on the mat, and when you're there, please demand the respect other women have been chasing for decades. We still have a long way to go. Welcome to the team.

Meg started jiujitsu in 2012, got her blue belt in 2013, and has competed in five competitions.

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Email us at liz.meg223@gmail.com with your questions, and we will post our answers in the next blog post!