How to be a Dick in BJJ

By Meg

Recently I looked up online how to be a dick in jiujitsu. Not as a self-aware journey to not annoy anyone in my gym, and not to find “dos and don'ts” on the mat, but to find an actual guide on how to be a dick.

The Google search only told me to wash my gi and trim my nails, which is not at all helpful. I'll explain.

I was venting my frustrations on a fellow coach the other night. In two of my three rolls, I managed to catch larger blue belt guys in submissions, which they immediately muscled out of. One of which was my favorite escape--the bicep curl armbar escape. Good job on being stronger, brah.

So my teammate and I discussed “little-person” BJJ games. He observed most smaller jiujitsu players are mean. Many of them have spiky, suffocating, or merciless games that leave opponents feeling bruised and massacred.

But wait. Ryan Hall, Marcelo Garcia, and Caio Terra aren't dicks. They are notoriously friendly. I wouldn't label them as dicks on the mat either--rather, they are assertive, aggressive, and insistent in their jiujitsu.

So why, when I apply that behavior to myself, do I think I'm being a dick?

It could be gender issues. Women are supposed to be sugar and spice and some other crap. Anything to the contrary labels us as "bitchy", and when I do proper knee on belly pressure, that's not sweet cookie-ingredient material.

I could be taking the description of BJJ as "the gentle art" too literally. How can I be gentle and flow while cross-facing so hard? Does the gentleness apply to rolling with the angry guy with his balls in a twist because I tapped him out?

I suppose the reason doesn't matter. What I'm going to do about my frustration matters. I've changed a few small pieces of my game in the past few weeks, and here are the lessons I've learned.

How to be a Dick in BJJ

AKA

Tools to be Assertive, Aggressive, and Insistent

• A heavy cross-face is a great tool to pass guard and keep a top position. Apologizing, however, is not necessary. Stop it.
• Do not just place your knee on your partner's stomach. Bury your knee into their sternum and watch them open up. Voila.
• The body has lots of pointy ends. Elbows, knees, wrist bones, knuckles... Find some sensitive spot of your partner, frame, and push with those pointy ends to get them off you.
• Do not bypass chances to practice technique because your partner's a lower level and you feel obligated to let them practice first.

Guess what? It's not much, but these few tools have been working. While I've gotten one wary look after a mean cross-face on a spazzy white belt, I've also received several other compliments on my improved game. The comments have helped change my previous idea of being a dick in jiujitsu to cultivating an effective little-person game.

More to come in future posts about conceptions of nice versus bitchy in the gym. For now, here's to a future with less sugar and spice, and more cross-face.

Meg started jiujitsu in 2012, got her blue belt in 2013, and has competed in four competitions.

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Should You Compete with Men?

By Meg

You train intensely during the weeks leading up to the competition. You drill the same moves over and over again for hours. You shove your body past its comfortable limits. You eat just chicken and eggs to make weight and lie awake at night practicing chokes on the pillow.

Then there are no women to fight.

As competitors, we all want the chance to test and prove ourselves, but as female competitors, we don't often have that luxury. So what do we do when presented with the opportunity to compete--in the men’s division?

That's not me. That's the one and only Hillary Williams.

I completely advocate for competing with men if you are comfortable with it. However, before you start the match, take some time to think about the risks. In addition to much higher chances of injury, you are possibly subjecting yourself to awkward and offensive situations.

My Experience

When no other blue belt women showed up to the January 2015 Xuzhou competition, the organizers acquiesced to my request to compete with the men. To say the least, it was a surprise. Competition organizers in China had never allowed mixed matches before, and I wasn’t expecting to be among the first.

The night before the competition, my teammates asked me how I could do this to a man. How could I put a male competitor in the position of looking like a dick if he wins, or looking like a fool if he loses? Why couldn't I just sit out?

I took this to heart for a moment before replying with, "Men have so many opportunities. I get one match for every four of theirs. I'll take my chances where I can get them." And upon further reflection, does this sport not treasure humility? Does it not promote the idea of a smaller person being able to beat a bigger person? Why am I responsible for society's warped views of my opponent?

Despite the comments from my male teammates, I decided to give it my best shot.

I would love to say this story ends up like a Hillary Williams BJJ fairytale: The shirtless, ripped, handsome male shows up, and I climb onto his back and choke the living crap out of him. It doesn't. I got thrown so hard I bounced when I hit the floor, and I lost by double digit points.

Before the match, I had to draw a name, because no one wanted to fight me. They wanted to leave it up to chance. Whoever fate didn't smile on had to roll with me. Okay, that's dramatic, but that was how it felt while I chose a name and they anxiously watched. This was seconds before we walked on the mat.

When the match started, my opponent's coach was cheering for me. I'm sure he was teasing his student, but the fact is, I wasn't taken seriously enough to be considered a threat and my presence was a joke. I was given third place when I should have been fourth. The organizers just wanted a foreign woman in the winners' photo alongside the men.

My opponent is on the far left.

On the day, I wasn't bothered by any of this. I was happy and grateful to have a match, but you know, hindsight is 20/20. Thinking back on it makes me feel like a joke and used for publicity. Also, this bronze medal does not belong to me.

At this point during edits of this blog post, my fellow blogger Liz stopped to remind me that although I lost by points, I was not submitted. She says that's something to be proud of, and she's right.

Furthermore, I did learn a few great lessons that day, just as any competitor would during a normal match. Not only did I improve my game, but I learned it is great to be the underdog. I felt considerably less nerve-wracking pressure. Everyone already expected me to flounder and fail, so I was free to win or lose as grandly as I pleased.

“One of the things about being an underdog, there’s no pressure. Nobody expects you to win. It frees you up to go out and compete. We often complicate things with fear of failure, all that baggage of winning and losing. Being an underdog is freedom.”

- Randy Couture, UFC Hall-of-Famer and three-time heavyweight champion

So Should You Compete with Men?

I can't tell you what to do, and I can't offer you a definite yes or no answer. It all depends on how comfortable you are with the risks of injury, embarrassment, and disrespect. Not that discriminatory and ugly behavior is acceptable, but it's possible it may happen.

I would compete with men again, and I've already tried when, again at the Shanghai International Open this month, there were no other female blue belts. The organizers said no that time. I'm dying for chances to improve and test myself. As far as I'm concerned, any gender discrimination will just train my mind to be as tough as my game.

You could have an amazing experience competing with men, and I think most of the time, it really will be great. A large portion of jiujitsu males are very respectful and understanding. Then there are those jerks who ruin it for everyone. Either way, when you walk onto that competition mat with a man, hold your head up and be proud, win or lose. You are one badass woman, and you deserve as many opportunities as your opponent.

Meg started jiujitsu in 2012, got her blue belt in 2013, and has competed in four competitions

Like this post? Share it on Facebook. Love this blog? Subscribe or follow by email via the links in the top right column!

Email us at liz.meg223@gmail.com with your questions, and we will post our answers in the next blog post!