How to be a Dick in BJJ

By Meg

Recently I looked up online how to be a dick in jiujitsu. Not as a self-aware journey to not annoy anyone in my gym, and not to find “dos and don'ts” on the mat, but to find an actual guide on how to be a dick.

The Google search only told me to wash my gi and trim my nails, which is not at all helpful. I'll explain.

I was venting my frustrations on a fellow coach the other night. In two of my three rolls, I managed to catch larger blue belt guys in submissions, which they immediately muscled out of. One of which was my favorite escape--the bicep curl armbar escape. Good job on being stronger, brah.

So my teammate and I discussed “little-person” BJJ games. He observed most smaller jiujitsu players are mean. Many of them have spiky, suffocating, or merciless games that leave opponents feeling bruised and massacred.

But wait. Ryan Hall, Marcelo Garcia, and Caio Terra aren't dicks. They are notoriously friendly. I wouldn't label them as dicks on the mat either--rather, they are assertive, aggressive, and insistent in their jiujitsu.

So why, when I apply that behavior to myself, do I think I'm being a dick?

It could be gender issues. Women are supposed to be sugar and spice and some other crap. Anything to the contrary labels us as "bitchy", and when I do proper knee on belly pressure, that's not sweet cookie-ingredient material.

I could be taking the description of BJJ as "the gentle art" too literally. How can I be gentle and flow while cross-facing so hard? Does the gentleness apply to rolling with the angry guy with his balls in a twist because I tapped him out?

I suppose the reason doesn't matter. What I'm going to do about my frustration matters. I've changed a few small pieces of my game in the past few weeks, and here are the lessons I've learned.

How to be a Dick in BJJ

AKA

Tools to be Assertive, Aggressive, and Insistent

• A heavy cross-face is a great tool to pass guard and keep a top position. Apologizing, however, is not necessary. Stop it.
• Do not just place your knee on your partner's stomach. Bury your knee into their sternum and watch them open up. Voila.
• The body has lots of pointy ends. Elbows, knees, wrist bones, knuckles... Find some sensitive spot of your partner, frame, and push with those pointy ends to get them off you.
• Do not bypass chances to practice technique because your partner's a lower level and you feel obligated to let them practice first.

Guess what? It's not much, but these few tools have been working. While I've gotten one wary look after a mean cross-face on a spazzy white belt, I've also received several other compliments on my improved game. The comments have helped change my previous idea of being a dick in jiujitsu to cultivating an effective little-person game.

More to come in future posts about conceptions of nice versus bitchy in the gym. For now, here's to a future with less sugar and spice, and more cross-face.

Meg started jiujitsu in 2012, got her blue belt in 2013, and has competed in four competitions.

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